La carta real

"JULY 24, 1993

Hello Darling!

Shocked then are you you piece of shit? Well, I'm always the one to surprise people... So asshole how are you? How's good old home? Enjoying yourself are you without me? stuffing down all the cream cakes, chicken burgers, ribenas and not forgetting fish n' chips I suppose... DON'T CHOKE WILL YOU DARLING!

Jokes to one side, how are you really? What are you up to? What's going on out there? If you're wondering how I am I'm ok - life's not so bad out here, can't say I'm complaining. I've started working at the reception and it's a right laugh! I'm right in the middle of all the gossip so you can guess I enjoy every minute of it!

Spoke to Yasim yesterday and she didn't sound too happy (poor thing). I don't know what she's going to do - at the moment when I'm writing this I don't know what happened last night with her dad cos she was gonna talk to him again. I just hope everything works out o.k. for her sake, I just don't want her to do anything she'sll regret later that's all.

I don't know what the fuck's going on on your side of the story or what's going on through that head of yours but I know that you are also in a sticky situation. I honestly don't know what to say or think except that my mum and I just want the best for both of you! Enough of you two, now to me! Get ready for a scorching hot, kirmizili, noktali, dirty letter with my latest huyar.

I'll take it from the beginning, well remember Oyku and I were gonna go to a balo just after you flew off? What happened was, we thought sod the balo, let's go to Pasha and pick up some guys. So we went to Ortakoy for dinner first - the full works; make up, hair, heels, black jackets - then went to pasha but didn't go in cos it was empty. So in the end we decided to go to the Balo which was at Baca, buarada. We only had a small amount of money on us and we were praying that her brother would be there.

So we go along, her brother's not there and we're like SHIT but Oyku sees a tanidik and we go in to the disco bit. But the way, Oyku's brother balo was a Tarabya Hotel and his girlfriend's was at Baca and the bolum's she's in only has 4 girls the rest are m-m-m-m-males!!!!

(Now the fun part) So we go in and there's about a 100 guys all dressed up in suits and ties bla bal bla. First two guys come up to us and asked us a dance, we did but they were damn stupid so we sat down. Then Mehmt Can comes up to me (and I'm thining god he's puke yemin ederim) and like begs me to dance. At first I said no but he literally dragged me on to the dance floor.

By this time, I see Oyku with this guy hand in hand and I'm like jesus quick or what. This guy Volkan turns out to be M. Can's best mate! So the whole night Oyku's all over Volkan kissing and touching him up and I'm jesus how do I get rid of this guy.

Comes 2 in the morning they have to drop some friends off to the other side so we go along as well (stupid us) and they're gonna drop us off home. We go to the other side (all this time M. Can's holding my hand in the car) drop those people off, Oyku goes from car to Volkan's car and I'm stuck alone with M. Can and thinking "shit, help!" Oyky of course literally throws herself to Volkan's car (slut). So there's me thinking we're gonna go home now birde baktim. We park outside these flats. M. Can decides that we go to his house, so we go up and I'm shitting myself everyone gets cozy - I grab a single seater koltuk (play it safe). They switch off the lights slow music on and Oyku and Volkan start dancing. I'm like really tired, my legs and feet are aching from dancing all night, my contacts are filthy I'm blind as a bat and wishing I was at home. M. Can asks me to dance, I snap back with a no (of course) so he offers to show me the house.

I knew what was coming - but still I went along, so we come to his bedroom and the guy was dying to kiss me all night but I kept hitting him (poor shit) every time he tried! So in the end I let him, one thing lead to antoher and we done it. But god was it painful guy! Jesus it hurt, anyway it was really hot and we sweated like mad, I was really uncomfortable and in pain and kept thinking this guy isn't coming and I can't take it much longer so I go down on him. What happens, I puke up!

Thank god I swallowed all the puke back down again or else it would've been so awful. After that I just thought fuck it, and got up and got dressed. So I can't say it was a nice one. It was hilarious though, me suddenly puking. So they drop us off, he gives me his phone number, begs for mine and I'm like "no sorry".

In the end darling we went to a concert, an open air one, and nearly raped each other there, he gave me one turn on guy, we went to Kilyos for the day, nearly raped each other again, then went to Galleris on the day we left for Bodrum and raped each other in the car this time. Then I came to Bodrum and he's been calling me like 4-5 times a day. He was here last week and I really enjoyed myself, my mum really liked him so I'm glad.

Cengia, he's not at all my type looks or physically but he's such a nice person and he like worships me. He told me he loved me and that I make him very happy. When he was here, I decided that looks weren't everything, that I'm happy with him and he's starting to mean a lot to me. I love him in my own way I guess and I'm glad I'm going out with him.

Anyway, when he was here, bloody hell did I have a busy week. We done it everywhere possible, sea, rocks, beach, floor, car, disco, you name it we done it! The guy know's what he's doing but en komik sey and I've never seen anyone like him before, Cengia you know like on average guys come 2-3 maybe 3-4 times in I don't know how long, well you are not going to believe this and I swear I'm not exaggerating, this guy comes non-stop (I swear) 10-11 times!!!!!! This is not joke! I nearly lost count in the end, I couldn't believe it. Is this normal? Tell me cos geberdim, I nearly couldn't keep up. Jesus he does it non-stop and gets an erection (and not a small one believe me) by just one small touch or words or looks. Is this guy sex perverted or summink? I'm not complaining cos I find all this hilarious, it's just that I've never seen anyone like that before...."

Y así termina la carta, encontrada junto con una postal de Bodrum esta semana en uno de los miles de libros usados a los que puse precio. Quiero encontrar a esta persona y ver qué ha sido de ella (la carta es de 1993). Igual que quiero encontrar a la familia sueca - puede que sean de otro lugar pero son tan rubios... - que preside el salón de casa de mis padres desde que tengo 10 años. Mi padre siempre ha considerado que esos madre-padre-niño-niña son muchisísismo más guapos que su propia familia, es decir, nosotros, y nunca quiso cambiar la típica foto que te viene con el marco por fotos nuestras. ¿De dónde sale si no este empecinamiento enfermizo mío de tener el pelo más blanco que Leslie Nielsen? TIT = Trauma Infantil Total.